Here’s How I Got My Kids to Finally Give a Crap about Star Wars

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My 5-year-old son Luke is getting into Star Wars FOR REAL this time and I’m having a blast trying to explain everything to the little guy. Yes his name is Luke – We named him Luke – I love me some Star Wars and I’ve been waiting for this moment in his life when he’d finally start giving a crap about this franchise for literally FIVE years now.

I tried getting my kids, Luke (5) and Alivia (6) into Star Wars the easiest way I assumed possible via the animated series Star Wars: The Clone Wars. They enjoyed it, but that show can get a little thick with politics and all kinds of fan service type shit that only grown up dorks like myself care about. Needless to say when I tried getting my three and four year olds into it – they didn’t care. So here’s what finally worked – video games. The true way to any child’s heart – mindless video games. I started with Lego Star Wars – that was fun for a while but drove me nuts because the kids kept jumping off cliffs and blasting each other. So then I let Luke play my deluxe edition of The Force Unleashed – and let him loose in the Jabba’s Palace level to fight Boba Fett and battle a rancor — all kinds of crazy chaos.

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From that point on – all he could talk about was Boba Fett, or Jabba The Hutt and he suddenly started to actually play with the Star Wars toys I’d been buying him all these years. Later on – we watched his first real Star Wars movie – Return of The Jedi. That’s the one I remember the most from my childhood and although purists seem to hate it because they’re all soulless Ewok hating psychopaths, I love it and I assumed my kids would as well. Wouldn’t you know it – they sat through the entire thing and actually paid attention. Jabba’s palace was mindblowing, the Rancor sequence – insane, did Boba Fett just die? What the?!?!?

It was glorious. I had finally won. From that point forward, the kids were digging Star Wars. The time was finally here. So far we’ve watched the very first movie and although they liked it, I’m pretty sure they were getting bored as hell. I forgot how slow that Obi-Wan vs Vader showdown was – that battle was like watching two old dudes in a nursing home swing canes at each other over pills. Brutal. It’s sad to see moments where you realize Star Wars doesn’t necessarily hold up as well as it used to. But that’s another story for another time…

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My son Luke has this lovable thing where he mispronounces a bunch of Star Wars names – I picked a few of my favorites.

Swampa: I actually like this more than the correct term of Wampa. I’m also curious if the actual Wampa scene in Empire will wind up traumatizing him when we eventually see the movie.

Bona Fett: Not sure why he all of a sudden started referencing his favorite character by what has to be a porn parody name, but it’s OK. We’ll make that stop.

Dark Bader: He’s probably referred to Darth Vader by this name more than any other Star Wars character. I think Dark Bader is more unnerving to be honest – try and conjure up images of what a Dark Bader would look like. Or don’t actually.

Slabba The Gutt: I love the hell out of this one. Slabba the Gutt is WAY better than Jabba The Hutt. Say it outloud with me – Slabba The Gutt. It makes sense too. Luke is fascinated with Jabba, almost on the same level as Boba Fett. I like how he’s drawn to the inner crime syndicate of Star Wars characters. That’s my boy.

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